The Fog

The fog rested in the tree-tops obscuring sky, blocking the sun, and hiding from view the crow's nest in the upper branches. I would have been down-hearted, had I thought it would lie there forever, but being acquainted with fog, I waited, calm, for it to dissipate, at least move on. The way pain does, and sadness......those other transients shrouds. - p. dalton

I know I am where I am supposed to be for a greater purpose, but the difficulty with it all, and with what is required to be compassionate, tolerant and loving in every moment is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Does our human-ness limit our ability to offer unlimited compassion and love? At some point in the past I would have said no. If we desire, our human-ness can be transcended and unconditional love and unconditional compassion is possible always - but now I don't know, and just saying that makes me sad. Perhaps when I question my capacity for compassion and tolerance for others, it is really an opportunity to cultivate compassion and tolerance for myself and my human-ness. Perhaps that is when the shroud can lift a little.

Shalom, Salaam, Shanti, Peace

Karma

I have struggled with the concept Karma for a long time, always focusing on the "reward and punishment" part of how it has been commonly understood.  However, in Buddhism, Karma (Karma Niyama) is the order of act and result, e.g., desirable and undesirable acts produce corresponding good and bad results.  As surely as water seeks its own level so does Karma. Karma produces its inevitable result, not in the form of a reward or punishment but as an innate sequence. This sequence of deed and effect is as natural and necessary as the way of the sun and the moon.


What I understand from this definition, is that in addition to Karma being a vital part of the sequence of life, there is also an element of coming into balance that is innate and at its essence, originating from a non-judgmental place.


Some people might say God is the Karmic force, putting things into our lives (act) because we need to learn a particular lesson (result).  Everything happens for a reason.  I believe that too.  Everything does happen for a reason. 


Especially in the most difficult times, I struggle to glean the reason for why a situation is happening, even more so when the situation is pushing against my edges of coping, when life is experienced as what Pema Chodron calls groundless.  It is especially in these times of extraordinary challenge (for me and so many of us), I want so badly to find the reason.


When I can't discover the reason, I turn to the spiritual reality that there is a reason, and perhaps I might not be ready for the reason.  But lessons and reasons will come and what I will learn will be exactly what I need to learn to be a better person and give of my self in more authentic, compassionate and loving ways.  


The law of Karma is always working - a balancing is and will continue to happen - I take comfort in what Imam Jamal says, even in the most difficult times, blessings are on the way.  


Shalom, Salaam, Shanti, Peace

What's Next?

“You have to be groundless in order to fly.”

– Cyril Jaskela

In the two weeks since returning from Israel I have noticed a prevalent (and dare I say ubiquitous) theme emerging in many peoples lives.  What’s Next?

One friend is contemplating ending a marriage; another moved to a new community and is trying to establish new friends, find a new church and find herself; my cousin moved out of his home and is researching graduate school while traveling to Chicago for the holidays; another friend, in her 60s, will lose her job at the end of the year and is anxiously sending out resumes to find another job; and my sweetheart, my love received a devastating, life changing medical diagnosis, stage 4 lung cancer.

It seems the more I live the more I realize Pema Chödrön is right – life is groundlessness – and the better I can accept that fact, adapt and find practices that support me in the midst of times when I grope for some kind of ground, the less I may suffer, and the more I can be present in each moment and discover the revelations and gifts.

I offer one “practice” that has guided me to where I am in this very moment.

“When all else fails – Love.”

 – Cyril Jaskela

Love.  An over used, over defined, and over analyzed word is an answer that has permeated the beauty emerging in these times of extreme uncertainty and fear.  

How does one “practice” love?  More to the point, when nothing is working to offer an answer, no logical or rational exercise is revealing any glimmer of an answer or a path to a possible answer – we must ask ourselves what is the most loving and compassionate thing we can “do” in this moment.  I put “do” in quotes because often times there is nothing to do and the answer is to “be” and listen.

Some might call this listening prayer or meditation.  For me, it starts with recognizing when my mind is trying (at warp speed) to find some ground – something that explains why my partner, a healthy 57-year-old man who never smoked in his life and who simply had an annoying cough, would be diagnosed with such advanced cancer.  There is no answer my mind can find.

When I acknowledge I am trying to find ground within the storm of groundlessness the first thing I do is take an intentional, deep and cleansing breath, focusing what attention I can muster on how my body feels when I take this deep breath.  If I am laying in bed (which is where this happens most often), I can more easily let my attention wash over my body from my chest to my belly to my toes. 

After I allow myself that initial pausing with breath, I ask myself what, if anything, can I do in that moment, and then listen with my mind and my heart for an answer.  My mind might tell me a million things at one time – much of it based in fear.  But if I breathe and listen to my heart, I will receive other answers that reveal the Truth of the moment.  Sometimes I hear,  “the only job you have right now is to sleep.”  Often what my heart (what Spirit/God) tells me is to extend an open heart, Love and Compassion, especially and most importantly to myself; I am doing the best I can in this moment and I forgive myself for the irritability and impatience.

“With life as short as half a breath, don't plant anything but love.”

- Rumi 

Judaism, Christianity, Islam and all faith traditions contain similar core teachings.  Judaism speaks of the Oneness.  Not just the One God, but the One that is all through us.  The One that is in each of us making us One.  The One that offers us the opportunity to recognize whatever I do to another I do to myself, because that Oneness sits behind each set of eyes; supports each pair of hands; gives breath to each voice.

Christ’s message at its core is about unconditional love.  Not love from the ego that is loving in the good times and questions love or pulls it away when mistakes, hurts and disagreements happen.  Unconditional love says, "no matter what you do or say you will not be separated from my heart."  Isn’t that the kind of love we all would like (and need) to experience?

Islam’s core message of compassion and mercy comes from the lines that begin nearly every chapter of the Quran, "Bismi Allahi arrahmani arraheem. In the Name of Allah, the Most Compassionate, the Most Merciful."

The sum of these teachings is Love.  Love that permeates each of us, that really does connect us and allows us to connect with each other in moments of joy and celebration and moments of sorrow and pain.  Love that embraces me in times when I am most in need, in times when I might not be able to embrace even myself.  Love that allows me to over-ride the fear my ego is presenting me and reach out to another and be with them wherever they are, even when it’s most uncomfortable because there is nothing to fix and nothing do to help.

What’s next?  I am getting more comfortable saying, “I don’t know.” But what I do know, what I intend in every moment possible is to listen and to Love, because that is the best I have to offer you and the best I have to offer me. 

Shalom, Salaam, Shanti, Peace

More pictures

walkway at St. George's College
where we stayed in Jerusalem

St. George Cathedral

Pomegranate on the tree

Want to ride?

Entrance to Herod's Gate - many produce vendors

My roommate - Junie, from Kansas

At the Church of the Nativity

at the Children's Memorial at Yad Vashem

One of the caves where some of the Dead Sea Scrolls were found - Qumran

White Bougainvillea - Qumran

Jerusalem Bird Observatory

Gilbert our amazing, warm tour guide

Sheikh Jamal at the Dome of the Rock

at the Western Wall

a mosaic inside the Church of the Holy Sepulchre

donkey at Damascus Gate

flowers near the Sea of Galilee

Brian Glennon, my friend and traveling companion from Ireland

Yohan, Rabbi Ted's nephew who lives and studies in Safed
We were blessed by a teaching from him.

Nazareth in the sunrise

Tai Chi on the roof of the convent in the sunrise

in the courtyard of the convent

in the courtyard of the convent

the church at the convent in Nazareth

in the church at the convent in Nazareth

flowers at the Mt. of  Beatitudes

Muslim cemetery in Nazareth

Interfaith Amigos - our teachers
Sheikh Jamal Radman, Pastor Don Mackinzie, Rabbi Ted Falcon

Returning, Re-entering, Integrating

Back in California, the field outside my cottage window has become green in the 10 days I have been away.  Everything seems more intense, more alive.  Even the exhaustion in my body is more palpable, despite the time change that allowed for an extra hour of rest.  My body will re-adjust and return to this time zone.  My heart and spirit have changed forever.  How?  That is the question I am still answering.

The last two days in Israel-Palestine allowed me to celebrate the day of my birth in the most mystical place in Israel (and dare I say on the planet).  Safed is the home of the Jewish mystics, the "Ari," Rabbi Isaac Luria - the Lion.  He and his fellow rabbis and students gave the world the Kabbalah and the opportunity to enter into Judaism from a rich heart space.  When I learned about Judaism in seminary and studied with Rabbi Elisheva for my conversion 8 years ago, I entered the tradition through the mystical.  The place that invites me to release the need to think and understand from my head, and settle into the deeper listening place from my heart.

Entrance to Rabbi Isaac Luria's synagogue

inside the synagogue

"Shema" begins the most holy of Jewish prayers, "Listen."  Listen to the Oneness, to the place that calls us to the one - God.  The God that is One. The One that is in each of us.  Listen, all of us who struggle and long for deeper spiritual connection to that which is un-namable inside and outside of us - as Jacob (Israel) struggled with the angel in the desert.  Listen, even in the struggle, we are not alone, we are One.  Shema Israel Adonai Elohenu Adonai Ehad.

the art of David Friedman a Safed Kabbalahistic artist
this is his interpretation of the word "Shema" which I purchased

The Sea of Galilee fed us, literally and figuratively.  The clear, blue, warm waters invited me and I gladly and eagerly walked into her.  The energy she offered was calming, compassionate, giving, loving and unconditional.  It is no wonder that Jesus and his disciples spent so much time here, teaching, learning, sharing and feasting.

being blessed by the Sea of Galilee

being blessed by the Sea of Galilee

Our accommodations for the last two nights were in Nazareth at the Sisters of Nazareth convent, which is just across the street from the Church of the Annunciation.  This is said to be the place where the Angel Gabriel came to Mary and told her she would give birth to Jesus.

steeple of the Church of the Annunciation
in the morning new moon light

Our final day found us at the Mount of Beatitudes.  "Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth."  Jesus said here.

Mt. of Beatitudes Church

However, as our interfaith teachers offered, these passages can be some of the most difficult to truly understand.  What does it mean to be poor in spirit?  How can I be meek enough to inherit the earth, and what do I inherit?  In this place, the upper Galilee, the words and history call us to listen with our hearts more than our heads.  Poor in spirit -  those who are seeking, longing and thirsting for God.  That is where we find our joy, our love and our most fulfilling efforts.  Not in sitting back and thinking that I understand it all, that I've 'got it', but that I struggle and desire to know more and be more.  That is heaven, that is the place where I am most fulfilled.  Meekness, humility, humbleness - a mind and heart that is empty, a beginners mind (as the Buddhists describe). In this way, the world is for me a wondrous discovery of all aspects of life, all possibilities and all paradoxes.

The last afternoon, walking the streets of Nazareth, my nose led me to a most amazing discovery - a spice shop.  El Babour.  A place with no sign on the outside, I was literally led with my nose.  Inside a beautiful array of sacks and baskets with nearly every spice I have heard of and many I did not know.  A bag half the size of me was full of Saffron!  The staff spoke only Arabic, but were able to help us purchase what we wanted, including a sweatshirt with their beautiful logo.  Wearing it, I can still smell the spices.

So many more experiences and teachings happened on this amazing trip.  When asked the question, "What was the most memorable?"  I stumble to answer - Mt of Olives; the Western Wall; the other pilgrims who are now connected to my heart forever; all our beautiful teachers; chanting "Shalom, Salaam, Peace near the wall in Palestine; walking through the streets of the Old City with all its languages, scents and colors; finding the Jerusalem Bird Observatory - a one acre sanctuary for wildlife that is a model for other urban wildlife centers in the Middle East; laughing and crying in the same moment because of the joy and pain felt in this region; sitting in meditation with the pilgrims as we share contemplative practices that feed us; hugs and squeezes silently sharing love; sharing the stories of our lives; and realizing this trip will continue to unfold me and change me.

What I know now is that my ministry must be to bring a voice of Interfaith peace and compassion to the world.  What that looks like I am open to discovering.  May each one of us be blessed with an open heart clear enough to see and listen with our whole being. May we experience each other as One as often as possible and access compassion and forgiveness when that is more difficult.  May we all offer and receive peace that leads to inner and outer security.  May peace prevail in Israel-Palestine and in each heart of the world.

Thank you for reading and commenting.  I will continue to post here as my integration unfolds.
Shalom, Salaam, Shanti, Peace

Last Day in Jerusalem

Our last day in Jerusalem and I was already feeling full.  Full of so much information, so much joy and pain and love, and so much experience.  Upon visiting the Dome of the Rock I was struck by its beauty, not just the golden dome, but the Islamic writing on the tiles above and around it.  The name of God is written there, as well as prayers. In Islam, the art is the script of their language and it is incredibly beautiful.

The Dome of the Rock is the third holiest site for Muslims (after Mecca and Medina).  It is the place where the Prophet Mohammed was "taken" by the angel Gabriel to pray with Abraham, Moses and Jesus in what is described as a vision.  The rock is housed in this gloriously beautiful temple.  No entrance is permitted by non-Muslims, and the site itself has been at the center of many political disputes and violence.  For Jews, it is the holiest spot because it is believed to be the place where Abraham prepared to sacrifice Isaac and where the Holy of Holies was located.  The Holy of Holies was the most inner place of the first and second Temples, where only high priests were allowed to enter, and only on certain occasions.

I walked the plaza around the Temple as people of every faith and nationality were there.  Muslim women, some in full covering, some not; people of every age and color.  I walked the perimeter of the building praying the Muslim prayer "Al ilaha il Allah" with the intention that this place could become a center of peace once again, for all faiths.  As I looked up and saw the city of Jerusalem beyond the open arches, a Kestrel circled overhead.  A sign of peace?  I accepted it as so.

At the Western Wall we entered through a different place than I had a couple of days ago.  A huge Mezuzah greeted us.  To guard and protect, and to bless all who enter.

At the Western Wall we received a teaching of how the Jews were not allowed access to the Wall, nor the Old City after 1948 because it was under the control of the Jordanians.  After the 6 day war in 1967, Jews gained access again.  As people came to the Wall after that time they wailed with joy and grief (hence the previous name of the Wailing Wall).  Now the Western Wall is a most prayerful place, and even though men and women are separated, the energy is palpable - hope, grief, possibility, intention, longing, pain, joy, comfort, and a deep desire for a better life.  

I leaned my whole body against the Wall and prayed, again.  I prayed all the prayers that people sent with me. I prayed for all those who can not come to the Wall - those who have passed, those who are unable, and those who couldn't this time. I prayed for all those there who were praying - may their prayers be heard.   And I prayed that all the unmentioned intentions in our hearts are heard.

I also prayed for clarity and discernment for my path.  In Jewish tradition, the highest form of charity/service is to help someone help themselves (teach them to fish).  In Muslim tradition, the seventh level that the Prophet Mohammed saw in his vision was that of service to others - to change, structurally, so that others may be freed from bondage.  I know I am to be of service to others, and I pray that in whatever way I am called to serve that it be to help change lives in ways that relieve suffering and contribute to freedom in many forms.

May we all be given the gift of clarity of knowledge to be able to help change the structures that still keep people in bondage in many ways.  Today, in America it is election day.  This is a time when people do have the opportunity to change the structure of things politically - even if that change happens at a slower pace than what we would like.  I hope you all vote today, and I hope that whatever the outcome, it is for the greater good!

Shalom, Salaam, Peace

ps - Tomorrow we leave for Safed (the place of the Jewish mystics), Galilee, and Nazareth.  This will be my last post until after I leave Israel, as the convent where we will stay for the remainder of our time has no internet access.  Thank you for reading my offerings.

Dead Sea

The drive to the Dead Sea seemed like driving through some of the deserts of California.  Except there are no camels in California.  The Dead Sea is 1,200 feet below sea level, that is the surface of the water.  The sea is another 1,200 feet deep.  At this elevation (or lack of), the sun's rays are also not as potent.  The sea is 40% salt, so "diving" into it is not recommended. We were given instructions on the bus to wear no jewelry, don't splash, don't put your head underneath the water, if you do wash your eyes with "sweet" water immediately, and of course have fun.

Qumran and the Dead Sea

The sun was warm but not as scorching as I would expect it to be in the desert.  I would sit up in the water and float vertically, not even needing to tread water.  Even though I couldn't touch the bottom, all I needed to do was gently paddle my arms to move from one location to another. And if I waved my hands in the water I would gentle bob up and down.  It was really cool!

We all made our way to shallower waters and began spreading the famous healing mud all over our bodies.  I have no pictures on my camera of this, but our photographer will have one of me nearly completely covered in mud.  As it dried I could literally feel the salt and minerals pulling impurities out from my skin - a really weird sensation.

At the Dead Sea

After showering and dressing we made our way to Qumran, the place where the Dead Sea Scrolls were discovered.  The short version of how the scrolls came to be there and discovered:  The Essenes were a group of Jewish monks who lived in the Judean desert. They led an austere lifestyle, sharing all their property.  They purified themselves, practiced mystical rituals and wrote the scrolls.  In the winter of 1947 before Israel was a state, Bedouin sheep herders were tending their flocks in the mountains of this area.  One sheep happened to run into a cave.  Searching for the sheep, the herders threw a stone into a cave and it made a strange sound.  When they were able to enter the cave, they discovered a row of cylindrical jars. In them were scrolls, which at first the Bedouin thought were just leather for making sandals.  After the discovery of more scrolls in other caves, excavation of the entire area began and the Essenes living quarters, ritual rooms, kitchens, pottery and other artifacts were discovered and are still being unearthed today.

valley where the Essenes lived and wrote the Dead Sea scrolls

As we prepared to explore the excavated area where these men prayed and wrote and left amazing gifts for us today, we received a teaching and meditated:  "Imagine you were alive thousands of years ago. You lived here and wrote on scrolls, knowing that later you would discover these writings and they would be exactly the worlds you need to here when you read them.  Now picture yourself today, discovering the scrolls.  You unroll them.  What do they say on them?"  Mine said:
  - All light is nearer to the heart
  - Purposeful steps
  - Maintain a silent heart
  - Coming home is here and hear
  - Plant seeds of hope with every breath
  - Offer everything, receive everything
  - Every eye holds a tear
  - Make not hardness in what should be soft, and softness in what should be hard
  - Every seed must be watered
  - Serve God
  - Be Joy

What is written on your scroll?

Yad Vashem and The Western Wall

Today was another emotional day, but different.  We started with meditation and preparation for our visit to Yad Vashem, the Holocaust Museum.  We were invited to prepare for an emotional experience, one would break our heart open (again).

I guess I took the invitation to heart because I could feel my resistance on the 45 minute bus ride over.  I looked out the window and noticed all the various people walking, the buildings being constructed, the Hebrew signs that I continually try to learn how to pronounce.  Then every so often I remembered where we were going and my heart sank.  It's not that I didn't want to go there, I simply wasn't sure what to expect.  But that was the intention when I started this trip - no expectations.

We started at the Children's Memorial.  This building on the Yad Vashem campus was small, with what look like unfinished pillars standing outside.  Once inside we are led through a dark circular room.  The only lights were small candles behind glass reflected in hundreds of mirrors.  And as we walked, names of children, their ages and their country of origin were spoken.  The mirrors reflected the lights at least a hundred fold.  This was the most moving part of the visit here for me.  The metaphor of all these lights extinguished and all the lights that could have been was overwhelming.  Each name spoken was a life that was lost too soon, and many lives that could have been if these children had lived to marry and have children of their own.

outside Children's Memorial at Yad Vashem

Then we explored the main museum.  It is a tunnel like triangular structure that weaves you into and out of various rooms.  It begins with the first World War and explains how the rise of Hitler came to be, and how the people of Germany were ripe for such a charismatic leader.  Then it continues on through the various ways Hitler began his systematic profiling, oppression and eventual elimination of the Jews (and gays, gypsies, and handicapped - although these groups were not nearly as spoken for in this exhibit).  The exhibits consisted of lots of panels to read; videos of survivors telling their stories; footage of everything from Nazi marches to the horrific images of bulldozed piles of bodies in the camps.  There were artifacts of books, sacred objects that were burned and stolen, shoes, furniture, diaries, pictures, instruments the Germans used to measure if a person was Aryan (by nose length, hair color, and skin tone); writings from camp prisoners; maps and documents listing populations.  It was completely overwhelming.  By the time I was half way through I was complete saturated.  I wasn't moved like I have been with other experiences on this trip.  Perhaps I was too prepared for this visit.  Perhaps the main exhibit was too heady for me.  One of the last areas that was emotional was the Hall of Names.  A large circular room that is one big 25 foot book shelf from floor to ceiling.  On the shelves are binders with a number on each.  Each binder represents a person and inside are documents and pictures that have been provided to the museum to archive.  And there is still space on the shelves.  The shear volume of space touched me, knowing that each one was a life story and each one had been carefully collected and stored.

Yad Vashem
(no pictures are allowed inside)

What I came away with from this visit, at least initially (because all these experiences are still working on me and will for a while) was that there were many victims in this tragedy.  The Jews for sure.  The gays and gypsies and handicapped people.  And the German people, they were victims of their fear and complacency and circumstance.  Many of the Nazi soldiers were victims of fear and weakness.  And I know this won't sit well with some people - Hitler was a victim of his own fear and ego - which does not justify anything he did.  What happened is that the Jews were dehumanized and made "other" by blaming them for the circumstances of the economy at the time; by terrorizing them; by imprisoning them.  All this allowed their extermination to happen without much thought for their humanness.

This is what we must be very mindful of doing ourselves.  Even by demonizing Hitler, we make him "other."  When we make anyone "other" we risk losing our own humanity in the process.  We risk a slope that justifies everything from dismissing and name calling to out right rude and inconsiderate treatment to seeking blame and making someone or an entire group responsible for problems that we all must pay attention to.

One of the most repeated part of the stories that was told in this exhibit is how the German Jews couldn't believe this was coming.  They were so integrated into German society there was no way they could imagine and entire country turning on them.  Not everyone turned them in, but no trust in friendship was ever the same.

In silence we left the museum, road the bus back to the college and ate lunch.  There was much to process and unpack in our meeting later.  And as the afternoon continued, a few of us went to the Western Wall to pray and heal.

Western Wall

In the setting sun, the Wall was immense. Huge blocks at the bottom tell of the origins of the Wall in the 1st century.  The only part of the second temple left after the Romans destroyed it, this place is one of the  most holy sites.  And unlike some of the Christian sites, we know for sure the Wall is standing where it was when it was built over 2,000 years ago (and over 4,000 years ago too because the first temple was built on the same site).

People from all over the world come to pray here.  Women and men's sections are separate.  Israeli soldiers in uniform were praying. Women of every age, color and shape were praying.  I approached the Wall with my head covered in a scarf in respect for the holiness of this place.  As I touched the Wall an excitement came over me.  Emotions that I had experienced at other times on this trip were different now.  The smooth wall from thousands of years of touching, met my hand.  I leaned my forehead on the Wall and prayers immediately flowed.  I placed prayers from friends and family in the cracks, knowing that all these prayers will eventually be buried at the Mount of Olives.  I prayed with every fiber in me, with all the prayers that were given to me before I left; and all the prayers in the little Pilgrimage Prayer Book I created.  I could hear the soft, whispered Hebrew prayers of the women around me.  I opened my heart wider and let my space include their prayers too.  I concluded by asking God, Allah, Spirit to hear all the prayers of everyone and to hear the prayers that had not been spoken but are always in our hearts. That is the beauty of prayer - even if we forget something or someone, God knows our hearts.

May God hear all your prayers and bless us with the kind of love, compassion and tolerance that will allow us to see and learn from every teacher, past and present, so that we might remember and live in greater peace.

More Pictures

In Palestine

digging for the olive tree

made me chuckle

only entrance to the Church of the Navtivity

some of the 6th century wood carving all over the church

on an altar underneath the church

Downtown Bethlehem

a mosque in Bethlehem

a sculpture in a Bethlehem tourist center
a powerful commentary on the place of women
in their society

a corner of the wall between Palestine and Israel

the wall separating Israel and Palestine

a garden and playground on the grounds of
the Palestine Conflict Resolution Center
next to the wall